Patheticness

Thank you to all that responded to my first blog. I read a comment from a friend of a friend that said that I had already found patience. Oh my heck- I wish! I would like to take this opportunity to clarify some things. Or maybe just question everything to the nth degree. Let's see how it goes.

First, I am embarrassed at the length of my pursuit of a teaching job. I have questioned myself so much lately (as well as in the past)- What am I doing wrong? Why won't anyone hire me? What did I say in my interview that they didn't like? What didn't I say? I have experience, but they still don't hire me. I don't have my masters (a.k.a. I'M CHEAPer) and they still don't hire me. Apparently, I have to try smelly resumé paper like in "Legally Blonde".

I am also EXTREMELY embarrassed that I had to ask my dad today for a loan so I could pay my bills. I feel ashamed because I don't even have a part time job to help pay my bills. I'm working on that though- I've applied for a job at a local apple orchard for the season. I hope to hear back from them.

Second, I know I'm pathetic, but I don't want other people to see my patheticness. (Is that even a word? It should be- it's a good adjective for Mad Libs.) I truly love everyone who believes in me and tells me "don't give up", "The right job just hasn't come to you yet,"  and all those wonderful clichés. You have no idea how much I want to believe you. I have doubted myself an infinite amount of times (like right now) and have thought (and still think) about giving up.

I am actually thinking of applying for a full time coffee barista/deli job. I have always wanted to have my own coffee shop and sandwich shop (I make a great tuna sandwich with bacon and pickles and cheddar cheese that's pretty awesome). I've also always wanted to work at LL Bean at their store in Freeport, ME where it's open 24 hours a day. I've been there at midnight and it's pretty cool- even on Christmas. But then I think, is this what I really want to or should do? To make coffee and sandwiches? Is that really and truly my dream? Although I think it would be fun, I am a great teacher, even though I feel like the biggest loser (and not like the reality show folks.)

A couple of years ago, I worked as a teacher's assistant/paraeducator in Addison. They had "spirit" week with different things we had to dress throughout the week. One day, we had to dress as our hero. A bunch of little kids dressed as superheroes or what they wanted to be when they grew up. I dressed up like my dad. He was a chief in the Air Force, so I dressed in his dress blue uniform. People asked me what I was, and I said I was my dad because he was in the military my whole life, and had retired, and bought a farm which was his dream. He never forgot or gave up on his dream. That is why he's my hero. (here's a tissue for you)

I just wish someone would give me a chance so they could see it for themselves. I'm so sick of getting rejection letters. My friend Amy and I could wallpaper a few houses with our letters. Rejection is such an awful thing to put someone through. It's like we're teenagers all over again, trying to fit in somewhere, anywhere. I hear the theme to "The Breakfast Club" now...

"don't you... forget about me..."


quote of the day:

How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?  ~Paul Sweeney