I quit

Nope. I'm done being patient on this one.

I found this job looking online during our family reunion back in July for an outdoor educator at a preschool. Whaa?!?!? Except for the preschool part, this was what I'd been dreaming for! Using my educator skills and my naturalist skills (that I pretend to have), what could be better!

So I applied and got this job in Maine. Moved to Maine Labor Day, started the next day. I've been working (NOT TEACHING) with 2-3 year olds thinking I might just might get to work with the older kids. Nope. And no, I haven't been teaching. I've been cleaning, and cleaning, and cleaning, and wiping noses, cleaning, folding laundry, and assisting for the past 3 months. During those months, I've been in close contact with some kiddos- they like to breathe on me, cough and sneeze on me, and sometimes spit on me. Fighting it as best as I could, I broke down and got sick.

I've been working sick for 2 weeks- probably with a fever, but mostly without a voice. This weekend I got worse and should have gone to the walk in clinic this weekend. But I thought I'd be better by Monday. nope. I got up, made breakfast & coffee, showered and got myself together to get out and battle through another day feeling like crap.

I'm too old for this.

So, I call (text- it's what my boss would rather) last minute feeling super guilty but sick too saying that I'm sorry, but I can't come in because I have a fever and need to go to the doctors. Which I do. And yes, I am sick- probably flu that turned into sinusitis. I get my meds and rest for the afternoon.

Meanwhile, my boss has sent me voice texts (whaa???) while I'm at the doctors, and I don't respond. Around 6pm, I get a call from her and she leaves me a voice message asking if I"ll be in at work tomorrow. I respond yes. Then she sends me a loooong text making me feel like shit about "we don't have substitutes like other schools" and "please bring in your doctors note tomorrow".

Wow. This- this is my dream job?

So after much crying (not great for the sinuses- thanks a lot...) and wanting to never go back, I decide to write my resignation letter. Here it goes: (and it's a bit redundant, but just keep going)

November 13, 2017

Dear Miss Michelle,

I am writing to inform you that I will be leaving Kidz Go Eco at Thanksgiving break and not returning. It saddens me that I have to inform you of my decision, but in light of what happened today, I believe I must.

I was excited to find this job and talk with you and some of the staff about working at your school. After moving 3 states, my wide-eyed enthusiasm was brought back to reality. I thought that there would be a place for me teaching the older students and I held on to that hope, even after you explaining that you wanted to be in that position and rightly so. But then you kept on interviewing for the position, which was very confusing, to say the least. I know you are trying to make everyone happy, but you can’t.

I have worked and struggled do and to be a teacher with the 2 and 3 year olds. I wanted to fit in, but it just wasn’t right. Miss Aleaha is wonderful and you are so very lucky to have her. But teaching the little ones is not for me. And, after going to work for weeks without a voice and feeling very ill but needing or feeling obligated to be there to fill the void, today I got up and was about to charge through the day not feeling great, having had an awful weekend, and go to work. I hesitated (which is something I don’t do often) and thought I had better take care of myself first. Yes, I felt super guilty for calling in sick at the last minute- knowing that someone new is starting and that you were short staffed. I don’t regret staying home for myself to get better for MYSELF. I cannot and will not work for someone who makes me feel guilty for doing that. I rarely call in- in all my work experience, I have called in a handful of times usually due to weather having to drive over an hour away one way. You don’t need to know that, but you need to hear me out.

I wanted to fit in- I wanted this job to be the dream job that I’ve been looking for. I wanted it so bad that it hurt. But I think it’s hurt me more being somewhere that doesn’t fit right and isn’t where I’m supposed to be. God has plans for me and I needed to go through this to find out that though I wanted this job to be right, it wasn’t.

Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry I wasn’t better suited for your position.

Moriah S. Park

Too harsh? Maybe. I've been through a lot with this job and can't take anymore. Dunkin Donuts is looking pretty good! But seriously, I can't and won't stay in a job where I'm not happy and I'm not using my talents for what I've been hired to do. I will go make coffee or sell towels at Bed Bath & Beyond. I just can't pretend to feel good where I don't. I hate quitting- it's not what I do. I'm still searching for that "just right" job. Not sure if it's out there, but I'll keep pursuing.