Counting My Blessings

Ah. Here we are at the beginning of a new week. A day to recuperate from the week/weekend and look forward to the week ahead.

Seriously? No one really thinks that way.

But we should.

The last time I blogged, I wrote of my anger and frustration over my job. I did leave the job, but on a better note than what I wrote in my blog. (thank goodness) Here is the updated version:

Dear Miss Michelle,

I am writing to inform you that I will be leaving Kidz Go Eco on December 1^st.  It saddens me that I have to inform you of my decision, but I believe I must.

I was excited to find this job and talk with you and some of the staff about working at your school. After moving 3 states, my wide-eyed enthusiasm was brought back to reality. I thought that there would be a place for me teaching the older students and I held on to that hope, even after you explaining that you wanted to be in that position and rightly so. But then you kept on interviewing for the position, which was very confusing, to say the least. I know you are trying to make everyone happy, but you can’t.

I have worked and struggled to do and to be a teacher with the 2 and 3 year olds. I have been flexible with hours that you’ve needed me.  I wanted to fit in, but it just wasn’t right. Miss Aleaha is wonderful and you are so very lucky to have her. But teaching the little ones is not for me.

It makes my decision difficult in a way, but I need to find my purpose in life. I wanted to fit in- I wanted this job to be the dream job that I’ve been looking for. I wanted it so bad that it hurt. But I think it’s hurt me more being somewhere that doesn’t fit right and isn’t where I’m supposed to be. God has plans for me and I needed to go through this to find out that though I wanted this job to be right, it wasn’t.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

What made things even worse was the fact that Michelle (my former boss) gave the newest hire (that was working 11:30-5:30) FULL TIME HOURS (8-4:30 everyday). Ugh. Yes, I was rip-roaring mad and pissed (excuse me) after reading that. But you know, I could dwell on that and let it fester and drive me bonkers, or I could (get ready for it...)

I chose to let it go.

Right away, I applied for jobs- both here in Maine and back in Vermont. I applied for a "Rosie the Riveter" type job at the Portsmouth Naval Yard, I applied for different shipping, stocking, anything jobs, as well as being teacher's assistant jobs both in Maine and in Vermont. I also got involved with a temp agency who had me interview at 2 positions due to my customer service background. I had turned my life inside out and upside down and didn't know where or what to do. I love Vermont, but didn't really want to go back and do what I was doing- seasonal work- nor do I think (at this time at least) that I am ready to go back into public education, even as a teacher's assistant. And here in Maine- do I have a lot to stay here for? No, not really, though getting to see my niece and nephew occasionally is reason enough.

Anyhow, I got accepted working for a small family run company in Portland that makes & prints business checks, prescription pads, and many other things. I got the job last Monday and started Tuesday. All last week, I helped input website orders, which is mundane, but hey, it's a job. Next week, I'll learn more and probably get on the phones to take orders.I don't have vacations like I did working in schools, but at least I don't have to work on Christmas like I have for the past 7 or so years!

All this backstory said, I got this email yesterday that I wanted to share with you. I signed up for Bible Verse of the Day emails a while back, which I usually peruse first thing in the morning to help me start my day. Some are good, others are BAM just what I need to hear. So let me cut and paste it here for your reading:

Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: “The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things! The Lord’s right hand is lifted high; the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!” I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

– Psalm 118:15-17 (NIV)

Today’s commentary

by Dave Whitehead, Senior Pastor, GraceNYC.org, Author of Making Sense of the Bible

There are times when we need to proclaim what the Lord has done for us. We can be easily overwhelmed by our situations, but when we remind ourselves of what God has done in the past, we build a confidence for what he will do now. Speak of the things that God has done in your past; you will find the strength that you need to go forward.

-~-~-~-~-~

Woah! Is this me or what? (I hope some of you may say the same thing. About yourself, though. Or me, that's fine) It's like that awesome song by Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney in "White Christmas"- 'Count Your Blessings'.

 I need to remind myself of the blessings I have. I need to remember the good stuff God has done in my life. Yes, I have a 3 page resume, which scares the poo out of many potential employers. But if they look at the big picture, God has provided me those jobs, those various opportunities, to keep working and to earn a paycheck. I have done a lot of different things. Sometimes I shutter at my lengthy resume. Most of the time though I am thankful. Thankful that God has given me the many opportunities He has! I've gotten to test outdoor power equipment! I have gotten to scrub toilets in 5 different Vermont State Parks! I have gotten to do lights for musicals, symphonies, and dramatic plays! I have used a floor buffer! I have gotten to teach a few kids of various ages how to swim & float! I have taught Vermont Natural History, cranberry science experiments, spelling, reading, math, how to change the oil in a DR trimmer! I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a car, and most of all a family (and friends) who love me! Blessings!

Whether you believe in God or not, you too can count your blessings. We all have a lot of them!

I quit

Nope. I'm done being patient on this one.

I found this job looking online during our family reunion back in July for an outdoor educator at a preschool. Whaa?!?!? Except for the preschool part, this was what I'd been dreaming for! Using my educator skills and my naturalist skills (that I pretend to have), what could be better!

So I applied and got this job in Maine. Moved to Maine Labor Day, started the next day. I've been working (NOT TEACHING) with 2-3 year olds thinking I might just might get to work with the older kids. Nope. And no, I haven't been teaching. I've been cleaning, and cleaning, and cleaning, and wiping noses, cleaning, folding laundry, and assisting for the past 3 months. During those months, I've been in close contact with some kiddos- they like to breathe on me, cough and sneeze on me, and sometimes spit on me. Fighting it as best as I could, I broke down and got sick.

I've been working sick for 2 weeks- probably with a fever, but mostly without a voice. This weekend I got worse and should have gone to the walk in clinic this weekend. But I thought I'd be better by Monday. nope. I got up, made breakfast & coffee, showered and got myself together to get out and battle through another day feeling like crap.

I'm too old for this.

So, I call (text- it's what my boss would rather) last minute feeling super guilty but sick too saying that I'm sorry, but I can't come in because I have a fever and need to go to the doctors. Which I do. And yes, I am sick- probably flu that turned into sinusitis. I get my meds and rest for the afternoon.

Meanwhile, my boss has sent me voice texts (whaa???) while I'm at the doctors, and I don't respond. Around 6pm, I get a call from her and she leaves me a voice message asking if I"ll be in at work tomorrow. I respond yes. Then she sends me a loooong text making me feel like shit about "we don't have substitutes like other schools" and "please bring in your doctors note tomorrow".

Wow. This- this is my dream job?

So after much crying (not great for the sinuses- thanks a lot...) and wanting to never go back, I decide to write my resignation letter. Here it goes: (and it's a bit redundant, but just keep going)

November 13, 2017

Dear Miss Michelle,

I am writing to inform you that I will be leaving Kidz Go Eco at Thanksgiving break and not returning. It saddens me that I have to inform you of my decision, but in light of what happened today, I believe I must.

I was excited to find this job and talk with you and some of the staff about working at your school. After moving 3 states, my wide-eyed enthusiasm was brought back to reality. I thought that there would be a place for me teaching the older students and I held on to that hope, even after you explaining that you wanted to be in that position and rightly so. But then you kept on interviewing for the position, which was very confusing, to say the least. I know you are trying to make everyone happy, but you can’t.

I have worked and struggled do and to be a teacher with the 2 and 3 year olds. I wanted to fit in, but it just wasn’t right. Miss Aleaha is wonderful and you are so very lucky to have her. But teaching the little ones is not for me. And, after going to work for weeks without a voice and feeling very ill but needing or feeling obligated to be there to fill the void, today I got up and was about to charge through the day not feeling great, having had an awful weekend, and go to work. I hesitated (which is something I don’t do often) and thought I had better take care of myself first. Yes, I felt super guilty for calling in sick at the last minute- knowing that someone new is starting and that you were short staffed. I don’t regret staying home for myself to get better for MYSELF. I cannot and will not work for someone who makes me feel guilty for doing that. I rarely call in- in all my work experience, I have called in a handful of times usually due to weather having to drive over an hour away one way. You don’t need to know that, but you need to hear me out.

I wanted to fit in- I wanted this job to be the dream job that I’ve been looking for. I wanted it so bad that it hurt. But I think it’s hurt me more being somewhere that doesn’t fit right and isn’t where I’m supposed to be. God has plans for me and I needed to go through this to find out that though I wanted this job to be right, it wasn’t.

Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry I wasn’t better suited for your position.

Moriah S. Park

Too harsh? Maybe. I've been through a lot with this job and can't take anymore. Dunkin Donuts is looking pretty good! But seriously, I can't and won't stay in a job where I'm not happy and I'm not using my talents for what I've been hired to do. I will go make coffee or sell towels at Bed Bath & Beyond. I just can't pretend to feel good where I don't. I hate quitting- it's not what I do. I'm still searching for that "just right" job. Not sure if it's out there, but I'll keep pursuing.

I'm back!

In the words of the band Aerosmith- "I'm back in the saddle again". I thought my teaching days were over. It's funny how God works- when you truly let go, God makes his plans. I had to let go that my life as a teacher in public schools was done and that God had better plans for me, whatever they may be. He gave me another chance where I will be teaching at an outdoor/nature centered Reggio inspired preschool starting the day after Labor Day- about 3 weeks from now!!

My new chapter will bring me to Maine- my other home. I will be living at my grandparents home outside of Hollis, Maine. My job is about 20-30 minutes away in Saco, Maine, so y'all can come and visit me any time! Here's the tough view I'll have....

I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. It's been a rocky season of trying to be patient and waiting for God's plan to be revealed. After working at Killington for the winter season, I thought I should "become a grown up" and look for a full time year-round job (doing what, I had no idea). I applied for unemployment (what a nightmare) and turned down a job with the state parks mostly because they weren't communicating with me of when and where I would be working this summer (and it wasn't a full time year round job). So unemployment it was.

I applied to all kinds of jobs- good and not great- and got turned down or no call from all but 3. I went to Maine for 2+ weeks for a family reunion and getting ready for a very part time post office job (4 hrs a day- 2 in the morning and 2 at night), when I got an email from a friend of mine who works for the state parks but in a different part of the state offering me a job. Scrubbing toilets and checking people into campsites was a whole lot better than looking for jobs that I really didn't want to do. I could get paid to be outside!! So I took a job at Gifford Woods and I am enjoying being part of the park system again (doing what ancestors did- working to protect the land) even though it is only until Labor Day. I conceded to work once again as a seasonal worker- that's what I've done and pretty much enjoyed it even though I wanted to have a full time job like most people.

When I was in Maine at my family reunion, I had to put in my jobs I'd applied to for the week and look for jobs. For shits and giggles, I looked for jobs in the Portland area (my brother and sister-in-law talked to me about moving to Maine and working for their social work organizations, which I did think about) but I looked for various jobs in the area. I came across a preschool teaching job that taught outdoor/ecological/environmental/hands-on learning....

I have been looking for a job like this for a few years! This is exactly what I've been looking and hoping for! I'm excited to be teaching again and starting this new chapter in my life. Thank you to my family and friends who've been praying and thinking of me (and will continue, I hope) while I've pursued this journey called life. I will keep you updated (better than I have been) on my new teaching job!