Hello. My name is Moriah and I am an anxious person. I have been anxious since I was a kid- worried about other people, worried about stupid things. Worried about not stupid things. I started having anxiety attacks when I was teaching in Florida. Anxiety attacks come on so suddenly, they can feel like a heart attack- shortness of breath, chest pain, hyperventilation, and some other symptoms. This happened to me today with the stupidest slightest trigger to make me feel like the world was falling in on me. My anxiousness over my test results; my teaching observation that I'm supposed to have, but my principal not getting back to me as to when she's going to do this or not or anything; anxious about our fun activity tomorrow and making sure everything is set and perfect (yes, I'm a perfectionist {sort of} as well... another post) and not having the pictures that I was told I was going to have provided, anxious over some of my students and what home is like for them... the list goes on and on. I had to really focus on my breathing for my hyperventilation to slow down. Crying doesn't help hypervetilation, either. What a mess.
When people ask- even my parents- how I'm doing, how I'm holding up- what am I supposed to say? I'm not ok? Do people really want to hear that? No. So I put on as brave a face as I can, grit my teeth and smile and say I'm ok. Because that is what I want you to hear, though I don't feel it. At all. I'm scared. I know I'm supposed to think positive. I'm young, if they do find something it's early... Yesterday, the art teacher at my school told me (jokingly), you don't look sick. We had a good laugh because it's true. I'm not loosing weight, I'm not grey in color and I don't have horns growing out of me (though some of my students think I do...) I know I'm over analyzing all of this and thinking too much about it, but I can't help it. Both my grandmothers had cancer before age 50. I just had a friend and collegue die of cancer. I don't want to be a pessimist, but I want to be a realist. I just want answers. That's all I ask.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Music to set the mood...
Here's some songs/videos about being patient, worrying, and waiting. Enjoy!
A must have for anyone who grew up in the 80s.
A song that has been running through my head. A lot.
Ah. John.
For Katie Evans... a huge Ray LaMontagne fan...
A favorite.
An anthem.
I am having a biopsy done tomorrow (Monday) morning, so all of these songs will be going through my head tonight and tomorrow! I did try to find just the right female song to add to this mix, but couldn't think of one. I'm sure you all could help with that!
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
The saga continues...
My adventures with my medical care continues to wear on my patience. As I said in my last post, I had gone to my family doctor and asked when I should start getting mammograms, and she signed me up. When the radiologist ok'd me to get one, what happens? I get called back for more scans- a diagnostic mammogram.
The diagnostic mammogram was yesterday. A different woman did more pictures of the one area that needed more looking into. The radiologist looked at them and had me get an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech took pictures and said the radiologist would be in and look for himself and tell you what is happening. So I'm lying there, in a room with only one dimly lit bulb on and the hum of the ultrasound machine. It took 10 minutes or so, and in Dr. Cobb came. He checked my spot and told me the following.
Every woman has calcifications in their breasts. It shows up on mammograms as white, as mine did. Dr. Cobb explained that calcifications can look different- cancer has a certain shape, as does benign. Mine is somewhere in the middle (lucky me). He looked at it with the ultra sound and decided that it may be benign, but to make sure, he recommends that I have a biopsy of it. His words- "if you were my sister... I would want you to be checked." I started crying right then and there. The ultrasound tech put her hand on me to comfort me, the dearest young lady, which I was grateful. Dr. Cobb then told me that he was sending this information to my family doctor and that I would need to make a decision as to where to have it done and to think about what procedure I might want- a needle biopsy (less invasive) or a more invasive surgical procedure where they cut the calcification out and check it. He also said that wherever I have it done, the doctor would look over the scans and offer a second opinion. Dr. Cobb said that I should get a call from my family doctor within 24 hrs as to what is happening next. I got a call late yesterday from the doctor who is covering for my doctor (have I lost you yet?) asking if I have a preference where to have it done and I told him where I live and work, but that pretty much I'd go wherever they send me. He told me the office would call me with information as to where I'd be sent. Whew.
So that was yesterday.
Today, I called my family doctor around 11:20 to find out what is going on and because my cell phone (which is the number they like to contact me on) does not work at school. The folks told me that my information was sent to the Breast Care Clinic at Fletcher Allen Hospital (the largest hospital in Vermont...) The clinic was to call me, but the nurse gave me the clinic's number so I could call them first. I did, and they hadn't received my records that had just been sent a half hour prior, but she took down my information and told me the procedure that they do at the clinic. The radiologist at the clinic views all my scans and makes a decision (second opinion) either 1- I do have a biopsy, 2- I don't have a biopsy/don't need it, or 3- more scans need to be done. The receptionist called me back a little while later (while we were doing our daily language practice this afternoon) and told me they (the clinic) has received all my scans and info and that the radiologist will be making a decision before Friday. *Gulp* I said ok.... What else can you say, right?
I want you all to know how well Porter Medical Center has treated me and how professional and courteous they are. They don't always get raving reviews, but I want my two cents out there (for what it's worth) that they're ok in my book. They helped me through some tough times- 2 dog bites, infection, cyst, dislocated knee, and my mother and father's health, too.
Again, I could use some prayers for peace of mind- not jumping to worst-case-scenario conclusions. Please and thank you. God CERTAINLY is teaching me a great deal of patience....
The diagnostic mammogram was yesterday. A different woman did more pictures of the one area that needed more looking into. The radiologist looked at them and had me get an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech took pictures and said the radiologist would be in and look for himself and tell you what is happening. So I'm lying there, in a room with only one dimly lit bulb on and the hum of the ultrasound machine. It took 10 minutes or so, and in Dr. Cobb came. He checked my spot and told me the following.
Every woman has calcifications in their breasts. It shows up on mammograms as white, as mine did. Dr. Cobb explained that calcifications can look different- cancer has a certain shape, as does benign. Mine is somewhere in the middle (lucky me). He looked at it with the ultra sound and decided that it may be benign, but to make sure, he recommends that I have a biopsy of it. His words- "if you were my sister... I would want you to be checked." I started crying right then and there. The ultrasound tech put her hand on me to comfort me, the dearest young lady, which I was grateful. Dr. Cobb then told me that he was sending this information to my family doctor and that I would need to make a decision as to where to have it done and to think about what procedure I might want- a needle biopsy (less invasive) or a more invasive surgical procedure where they cut the calcification out and check it. He also said that wherever I have it done, the doctor would look over the scans and offer a second opinion. Dr. Cobb said that I should get a call from my family doctor within 24 hrs as to what is happening next. I got a call late yesterday from the doctor who is covering for my doctor (have I lost you yet?) asking if I have a preference where to have it done and I told him where I live and work, but that pretty much I'd go wherever they send me. He told me the office would call me with information as to where I'd be sent. Whew.
So that was yesterday.
Today, I called my family doctor around 11:20 to find out what is going on and because my cell phone (which is the number they like to contact me on) does not work at school. The folks told me that my information was sent to the Breast Care Clinic at Fletcher Allen Hospital (the largest hospital in Vermont...) The clinic was to call me, but the nurse gave me the clinic's number so I could call them first. I did, and they hadn't received my records that had just been sent a half hour prior, but she took down my information and told me the procedure that they do at the clinic. The radiologist at the clinic views all my scans and makes a decision (second opinion) either 1- I do have a biopsy, 2- I don't have a biopsy/don't need it, or 3- more scans need to be done. The receptionist called me back a little while later (while we were doing our daily language practice this afternoon) and told me they (the clinic) has received all my scans and info and that the radiologist will be making a decision before Friday. *Gulp* I said ok.... What else can you say, right?
I want you all to know how well Porter Medical Center has treated me and how professional and courteous they are. They don't always get raving reviews, but I want my two cents out there (for what it's worth) that they're ok in my book. They helped me through some tough times- 2 dog bites, infection, cyst, dislocated knee, and my mother and father's health, too.
Again, I could use some prayers for peace of mind- not jumping to worst-case-scenario conclusions. Please and thank you. God CERTAINLY is teaching me a great deal of patience....
Monday, October 6, 2014
I'm in the need for some patience right about now....
This is the first year in the past 7 years that I've been able to make doctors appointments to make sure I'm in good health. Last month, I made an appointment to have a physical- the first since I went to college! I had some concerns that I talked to my doctor including lower back pain. I am going to physical therapy to strengthen my core that will alleviate some strain on my lower back muscles. Don't worry, I won't turn into the Hulk.
My other major concern that I talked to my doctor about was my family history of breast cancer and when I should start mammogram screenings. She sent a request for me to have a mammo and the radiologist questioned why. He questioned it because he didn't know that both my grandmothers got breast cancer under the age of 50. One grandmother died because her cancer spread. Anyhoo, I got my mammo and had the procedure. Oh. My. They lie when they say it isn't supposed to hurt. It does. Guys, think purple nurple. Enough said.
The next day, I had my cell phone off because it doesn't work where I work, so I turned it on at 7:30-8:00pm and low and behold my doctor called saying that the results were abnormal (what else is new?) and that I needed more scans. I also got a call from the nurse asking me to call back. I of course started freaking out thinking the worse. I also thought, how ironic that the radiologist didn't want to look at me at first and then this.... hmm..
To make a long story longer, I called Thursday- played phone tag. Called Friday- played phone tag again. So this morning, I had a different doctor appointment (allergy testing- very interesting and long process- another story) and drove to speak to my family doctor or nurse face to face. The nurse, lovely and kind Maria, told me exactly what was going on- that I have an abnormal calcification cluster on my right breast, which means I need a diagnostic mammogram. Ok....
So then I drive to the hospital to make an appointment for this other squishy test. I could have had it done tomorrow morning (tempting, but I have to teach tomorrow) and of course the radiologist only does this between the hours of 12:30-2pm. AND I have to have the same doctor as who diagnosed my first mammo- I totally understand and I'm thankful for that.
The next time available is October 21st. 2 weeks to drive myself crazy with worry because I don't have enough worry and anxiety in my life right now...
But I just have to remember it will be ok no matter what.
This is the first year in the past 7 years that I've been able to make doctors appointments to make sure I'm in good health. Last month, I made an appointment to have a physical- the first since I went to college! I had some concerns that I talked to my doctor including lower back pain. I am going to physical therapy to strengthen my core that will alleviate some strain on my lower back muscles. Don't worry, I won't turn into the Hulk.
My other major concern that I talked to my doctor about was my family history of breast cancer and when I should start mammogram screenings. She sent a request for me to have a mammo and the radiologist questioned why. He questioned it because he didn't know that both my grandmothers got breast cancer under the age of 50. One grandmother died because her cancer spread. Anyhoo, I got my mammo and had the procedure. Oh. My. They lie when they say it isn't supposed to hurt. It does. Guys, think purple nurple. Enough said.
The next day, I had my cell phone off because it doesn't work where I work, so I turned it on at 7:30-8:00pm and low and behold my doctor called saying that the results were abnormal (what else is new?) and that I needed more scans. I also got a call from the nurse asking me to call back. I of course started freaking out thinking the worse. I also thought, how ironic that the radiologist didn't want to look at me at first and then this.... hmm..
To make a long story longer, I called Thursday- played phone tag. Called Friday- played phone tag again. So this morning, I had a different doctor appointment (allergy testing- very interesting and long process- another story) and drove to speak to my family doctor or nurse face to face. The nurse, lovely and kind Maria, told me exactly what was going on- that I have an abnormal calcification cluster on my right breast, which means I need a diagnostic mammogram. Ok....
So then I drive to the hospital to make an appointment for this other squishy test. I could have had it done tomorrow morning (tempting, but I have to teach tomorrow) and of course the radiologist only does this between the hours of 12:30-2pm. AND I have to have the same doctor as who diagnosed my first mammo- I totally understand and I'm thankful for that.
The next time available is October 21st. 2 weeks to drive myself crazy with worry because I don't have enough worry and anxiety in my life right now...
But I just have to remember it will be ok no matter what.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
September... I'll remember...
That's a line from one of my favorite songs from Simon and Garfunkel. My brother and I used to race home from school to play "The Graduate" soundtrack on the record player (now called a turntable... whatever..) The song is called "April, come she will". It's a very sad song, but catchy. September is for remembering.
I remember when... when my family used to have to sit down to eat dinner. Like at the dining room table. There's not too many families who do that anymore.
I remember when I used to get birthday cards in the mail from my Aunt Rita and my grandparents. That's when kids used to be excited about mail that came to your house and not to a computer or electronic device.
I remember waking up early on Saturday mornings and watching cartoons. Cartoons like Bugs Bunny that we didn't always understand the humor. But we laughed anyways.
I remember playing outside until dark or even past dark in the winter. Thank the Lord my brother let me build forts and climb trees with him. And that he didn't totally destroy my Barbies... nor I his Hot Wheels...
I remember listening to the radio on Saturday nights with my parents while they played their own version of "Name That Tune/Band/Year". I learned a lot about music from my parents. And from Mrs. Sue O'Daniel. Not from my music teacher at the Christian School who gave me an F because I didn't take piano lessons from her. True story. So glad I learned the drums and cello. Pbbth.
I remember what I wanted to be when I grew up. An astronaut. And a teacher. And a nurse. One out of three isn't too bad. I'll be working on one of the other two soon!
I remember watching MASH and Happy Days every night. There were no curse words in those shows.
I remember thinking that when my dad said "Judas Priest" that was like saying the f word. That was the closest to a swear word heard in my house for many years.
I remember life seemed so much simpler in the 80's and 90's. I didn't seem to have the stress and concerns that I do now.
I remember moving to Florida to teach. It sure was culture shock, but I met some wonderful people and had some of the best students every. I think about where they are often. I worry about some of them, but know they learned a bit from me.
I remember moving back to Vermont and working a bunch of jobs including substitute teacher, ski teacher, road construction flagger, State Park ranger, school custodian, and dog sitter. Each and every one of those jobs has helped me become the person I am today- responsible and thankful for people who do those jobs.
I remember the first time I got to help my dad on the farm- driving a tractor as old or older than my dad to help rake hay. It was only the 2nd time I had raked hay. The first time was at a friend's farm and it didn't go well (what do you expect for a non-farm girl at the time?)
I remember giving up on teaching and taking a class in nursing. And then applying for a teaching job just for kicks. And getting an interview. And getting that teaching job!
I remember looking for an apartment and finding a great one. I remember moving (boy do I have a lot of stuff!) and weeding out a lot of stuff. 3 flights of stairs helps with that weeding out.
I remember thinking how fun teaching would be when I was a kid. I wish teaching was more fun than work. I wish all work was more fun than work. I can't complain too much I guess. I have health insurance after 7 years without. I have a full time job after 7 years without. I just wish I could just enjoy my job and not worry about my students and their families and the other teachers I work with and my family and myself and the people who live around me... "don't worry... 'bout a thing... 'cuz every little thing... is gonna be alright". Thank you Bob Marley. I'm working on not worrying so much about everything.
In the mean time, I'll just remember. Remember the good ol' days.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Humbling
This past Wednesday, I was humbled. It doesn't happen often (which is should), but it was an experience.
This summer, I'm working and living at my parent's farm. Today, their furnace got cleaned by a man with a thick accent. He was very nice and did a great job (I'm sure). About a half hour or so before he was finished, he came up to have me turn the furnace on (turn up the heat). He and I chatted a little, and he apologized for his accent. I didn't mind- he was very kind. He asked me where I thought he was from. I first said Poland- wrong. Hungary? Czech? Wrong again. He's from Bosnia.
He has been in the US for about 20 years and has been a plumber in the area. Prior to coming to the US, he worked as a plumber all over the Mediterranean and even worked in Japan and China. He said that when the Bosnian war broke out, half his family died. He asked me, "Do you know (of) Hiroshima?" I said yes. He said that is what his hometown is like- nothing left but rubble.
He also said that he had been a prisoner of war. He didn't get into that- I think he said "long story", but boy I'd like to hear it some day. I've met briefly POW's from World War II and maybe Vietnam, but no one from a war that I remember reading and hearing about in my lifetime. I have no idea what it is like to live in a war zone, never mind loosing my whole family and being a POW. I am so blessed and so humbled.
This summer, I'm working and living at my parent's farm. Today, their furnace got cleaned by a man with a thick accent. He was very nice and did a great job (I'm sure). About a half hour or so before he was finished, he came up to have me turn the furnace on (turn up the heat). He and I chatted a little, and he apologized for his accent. I didn't mind- he was very kind. He asked me where I thought he was from. I first said Poland- wrong. Hungary? Czech? Wrong again. He's from Bosnia.
He has been in the US for about 20 years and has been a plumber in the area. Prior to coming to the US, he worked as a plumber all over the Mediterranean and even worked in Japan and China. He said that when the Bosnian war broke out, half his family died. He asked me, "Do you know (of) Hiroshima?" I said yes. He said that is what his hometown is like- nothing left but rubble.
He also said that he had been a prisoner of war. He didn't get into that- I think he said "long story", but boy I'd like to hear it some day. I've met briefly POW's from World War II and maybe Vietnam, but no one from a war that I remember reading and hearing about in my lifetime. I have no idea what it is like to live in a war zone, never mind loosing my whole family and being a POW. I am so blessed and so humbled.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Marvelous Monday...
*Warning! Actung! Avviso! Advertissment! Waarschuwing!*
Whining and complaining ahead!
For a couple of weeks now (month or so), my car has not been able to stay in 6th gear. Yeah, that's right. SIXTH gear. I should be on Top Gear. (UK version, of course...)
So, I had my local mechanic take a look at it a couple weeks back and he said it was just a link, but that I had to order it from Toyota to save money. I was still able to put the car in 6th but just keep my hand on it to help keep it in gear. Meanwhile, I totally lost 6th gear, which causes my RPMs to go up to 4000 or 4500 on the interstate (going 70-75 mph...) My dad thought I should go to Toyota in Rutland to get a second opinion on what they think. Last week I stopped by and had to make an appointment for today at 10am. Off I went this morning. 2 1/2 HOURS LATER... they tell me that a need a new transmission. A used one is $1650 PLUS $640+ for labor (8+ hours to do this... "2 days" he said)!! Oh snaggles.... that's not good. I am still paying for this car!
Tomorrow, I am planning to bring my car over to my local mechanic again and ask him to check again and to tell him what Toyota told me. I also want to know if I don't do anything, will it ruin my car to run high RPMs in 5th gear? I really don't want to put in a new (used) transmission... I don't have that kind of money!! And the guy at Toyota didn't even give me anything (a free car wash?) for WAITING 2 AND A HALF HOURS for him to tell me I need a new transmission! WHINE WHINE WHINE!
Speaking of wine, it's five o'clock in Nova Scotia. Time to go!
Friday, June 27, 2014
Hello Summer!
Here it is my first full week "off" for the summer. Last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, (June 16-18) I spent all day at school cleaning, organizing, ordering, and meeting with teachers about next year. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I was home working on the farm raking and tedding hay, changed my oil, and worked in the veggie garden. Sunday I pulled weeds and planted beets and worked on my summer burn/tan. This week I've worked on cleaning the calf barn on Monday and yesterday... did some running around/errands on Tuesday, did NOTHING on rainy Wednesday. Today I had a dentist appointment, car inspection, and had to pick up a book I ordered (and get 3 used books). I'm going to work in the garden when I finish this (now that it's a bit cooler...)
I was thinking how weird it is that I'm not "working" this summer. When I worked in Florida, I came home in summers and worked as an outdoor product tester (one of my favorite jobs). Last summer, I worked at a State Park as an assistant Ranger until I got my teaching job and had to quit. This spring I was starting an application to work at a State Park again, but didn't follow through because I wasn't sure if there would be summer school, and if I had to do other training this summer.... Yes, I do have to work this summer at some point- developing a reading curriculum for our second grade (with the other second grade teacher, of course) but I'm not sure when that will happen. Also, my dad tore his rotator cuff and had major surgery in April or May, so I knew I would need to help out here on the farm. I love the farm and I'm so glad I can be here to help!
We've got almost all of our first cutting of hay finished. We had a great stretch of weather for it, but now it's looking harder to get the last field done and the weather to cooperate. You'll have that. I can't believe July 4th is next week already! The week after that is our Park Family Reunion in Maine. Not all of my family will be there, which is too bad. The ones that will be there, we'll have fun and we'll try not to pull too many shenanigans... there might be a potato gun, fireworks, a lobster hat, a midnight run to LLBean.... we'll see! Can't wait!
No matter what, this summer will be great! Relaxing, fun, full of work and ideas for school- all great!
I was thinking how weird it is that I'm not "working" this summer. When I worked in Florida, I came home in summers and worked as an outdoor product tester (one of my favorite jobs). Last summer, I worked at a State Park as an assistant Ranger until I got my teaching job and had to quit. This spring I was starting an application to work at a State Park again, but didn't follow through because I wasn't sure if there would be summer school, and if I had to do other training this summer.... Yes, I do have to work this summer at some point- developing a reading curriculum for our second grade (with the other second grade teacher, of course) but I'm not sure when that will happen. Also, my dad tore his rotator cuff and had major surgery in April or May, so I knew I would need to help out here on the farm. I love the farm and I'm so glad I can be here to help!
We've got almost all of our first cutting of hay finished. We had a great stretch of weather for it, but now it's looking harder to get the last field done and the weather to cooperate. You'll have that. I can't believe July 4th is next week already! The week after that is our Park Family Reunion in Maine. Not all of my family will be there, which is too bad. The ones that will be there, we'll have fun and we'll try not to pull too many shenanigans... there might be a potato gun, fireworks, a lobster hat, a midnight run to LLBean.... we'll see! Can't wait!
No matter what, this summer will be great! Relaxing, fun, full of work and ideas for school- all great!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Are you snarky?
In this day in age, it is so very easy to be snarky. For those of you who are not familiar with the term, snarky means disrespectful. I am currently feeling the urge to be snarky to a letter my landlord wrote on the back of a piece of scrap lumber to the "person using powder detergent on the HE machines". That would be me.
No, I don't want or feel the need to buy overpriced laundry detergent. (Liquid detergent is like 70-80 or more percent water...) but what REALLY irks me is that they opened the page in the manual and circled various parts. Sheesh. I can't read, and I don't buy the right detergent. I was also picked last in kickball at school.
So, I'm now questioning whether or not to continue to do laundry with the "laundry nazis" checking my every move. I won't.
I've been thinking of a snarky comment or letter to write back to said "laundry nazis". I've been thinking of writing to ask them to buy me the special detergent to protect their machines that took them 9 months to install. This is just another strange problem I've had to encounter, along with a broken window, no fire escape for 3 or more months, air circulation problems with the solution being, "just open your window"... In the middle of winter? Thanks for the advice, but no.
I could write a snarky comeback, because that is the Facebook way- when someone offends you or you are criticised (constructively or not), your knee jerk reaction is to be snarky. I don't take criticism well, I confess. Oh- I can feel some of you roll your eyes...(damn snarky comment!) like this blog says, I'm in the pursuit not of perfection, but of patience. Taking critism (which seems to be building lately) is something I continue to struggle with and I'm hoping on getting better.
So will I be snarky back to my landlords??? I don't think I will. I think I may just go about my business, and hide my laundry detergent.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
My ongoing pursuit of patience
I'm not sure how many people read blogs these days, but I have been remiss at keeping up with mine. You might say (or think) that my pursuit is over since I've found my dream job of teaching. Oh, contrair! I didn't spell that correctly, so forgive me... Anyhow, I need patience still, if not more so now that I have this job. I need patience to accept that everything can't be perfect with a snap of my fingers- I won't pick up teaching and creating the perfect spelling, reading, writing, math lessons for my students. I have to realize that this takes time. I don't want to fail my students and some times I'm filled with dread that I haven't done enough. Other days, I realize that I'm only one person in this equation of educating a child and that parents/families have to be a part to. I can't do it all. Which frustrates me. Hence my continuing of my pursuit of patience.
Besides wanting to write all that, I wanted to write about another part of my life that needs patience, prayer and a lot of work. I had a bit of an epiphany today, but I will describe that in a bit. First, let me give you a bit of background.
I have a condition called endometriosis. I have had this condition since I was very young. Endometriosis is a condition that many women/girls have, unfortunately. It is a condition where the tissue grows on the outside of the uterus. Webmd seems to explain it better- http://www.webmd.com/women/endometriosis/endometriosis I also have a condition (not sure of the specific name for it) where I get or can get violently ill just after starting my menstrual cycle. At 14, I scared the bejeezus out of both my basketball coaches and the school nurse. After being sick for a few hours, I'm fine. It takes a lot out of me, but everything's better with rest. So, I'm a big mess. I've been taking medicines for pain and to "keep the endometriosis at bay" for on and off for 23 years now. I've been sick like I was in high school not too long ago, and I had an ovarian cyst removed along with my body full of endometriosis 8 years ago.
So why am I telling you all this personal medical history? Well, for a couple reasons. One, this runs in my family- my dad's sister had it and at least one cousin had/has it, as well as her daughter. Two, I hate being on medicines and feel that the medicines are not helping my conditions. I have endometriosis all over again, and I'm in constant discomfort (pain to some, but I've lived with it so long that I'm used to it). I have also gained a great deal of weight. Now, I am not exercising like I should, and if have been under stress from moving and having a new job and all, but I should not look and feel the way I do. I eat well- salads and whole grains and meats when I can. I don't eat a lot of processed foods, but I still am gross. I need to do something about this, starting today.
I've been trying to cut out refined sugars, but I know there are natural sugars in my V8 juice. I've cut back on carbs and gluten, but still have small amounts weekly. I KNOW I need to make a HUGE effort to exercise DAILY, especially now that the weather is nicer. I have to make time... I am not taking any more medicines for my conditions (other than Advil for pain). I'm going to see if that has any affect (or effect? Gosh, I'm a teacher and should know this!) on my weight loss or gain. I am also going to make an appointment right away with my doctor to get some professional insight into facing this CRAP. I know that whatever is happening, is effecting (I know that's the correct use) not just my weight, but my overall health and well being- physically and emotionally.
So my pursuit is not over. My new and ongoing pursuit of patience is for my overall health. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.
As I'm sitting here pecking at the iPad keyboard, I'm listening to the beautiful sound of spring peepers. Oh how I love that sound.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
All is quiet... on New Year's Day...
Today marks the first day of a new year. People talk about "new beginnings" and all kinds of hopefulness for the new year. For me, it's pretty much just another day. I don't party it up or watch Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve or drink champagne. My New Year's tradition for many years has been to get up and go to work (at a ski area) and listen to U2's "New Year's Day". Here's some of the lyrics:
All is quiet
on New Year's Day
The world is wired
It's underway
I want to be with you, be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
My sentiments exactly. And yes, 7am on New Year's day is really quiet. Nothing really changes except you put up a new calendar and have the day off of work (most people, that is). But here's where the cynic in me stops. Yes, January 1st is a time of reflection- to look back at the old year and look forward to the new. As I look back at this past year, I have a hard time believing all that has happened in my life.
1. I GOT A TEACHING JOB! I mean holy guacamole! Just as I was about to give up entirely and go into a different profession, God opens the door for me to teach at Waits River Valley School. I am so very blessed!!
2. I MOVED! (see number 1) I miss living in the Champlain Valley, but I'm getting used to the Upper Valley (or Upper Connecticut River Valley).
I am so very grateful for all that has happened in 2013. I'm not sure what 2014 has in store for me, but here are some goals (I call them goals- you can call them resolutions).
Goal 1- loose 20ish pounds. I need to get healthier, lower my risks of family inherited diseases and just feel better. Exercise more. Maybe pick up running? Don't push it.
Goal 2- figure out graduate school. What do I want to study? I've been thinking of a science degree, but I'm not sure. And then where do I go? Locally? Online? I have 364 days to think about it.
Goal 3- Revive our school/community garden. I love gardening and think there is so much that kids can learn from gardening.
Goal 4- read more. I don't have a TV, but my computer seems to take the place of my "down time" more than I'd like. I need to break away from the computer and read the ton of books I received as gifts this Christmas.
Goal 5- live more frugally. My apartment is expensive, and my second job is about to end. I may have to move this summer, or find a more permanent part time job. Or win the megabucks.
As I have told my students, five is my favorite number. Five goals are easy to remember than a big long list that I could surely make of goals. I also feel these are pretty doable. I know that many people make unrealistic goals/resolutions for themselves and get depressed when they don't meet them. If you have a high expectation that you really do want to meet, then go after it and DON'T GIVE UP! Trust me. You'll be glad you didn't.
So to all of you out there making your lists of goals for the year, make them worthwhile and attainable. Have a safe and happy 2014!!
All is quiet
on New Year's Day
The world is wired
It's underway
I want to be with you, be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
My sentiments exactly. And yes, 7am on New Year's day is really quiet. Nothing really changes except you put up a new calendar and have the day off of work (most people, that is). But here's where the cynic in me stops. Yes, January 1st is a time of reflection- to look back at the old year and look forward to the new. As I look back at this past year, I have a hard time believing all that has happened in my life.
1. I GOT A TEACHING JOB! I mean holy guacamole! Just as I was about to give up entirely and go into a different profession, God opens the door for me to teach at Waits River Valley School. I am so very blessed!!
2. I MOVED! (see number 1) I miss living in the Champlain Valley, but I'm getting used to the Upper Valley (or Upper Connecticut River Valley).
I am so very grateful for all that has happened in 2013. I'm not sure what 2014 has in store for me, but here are some goals (I call them goals- you can call them resolutions).
Goal 1- loose 20ish pounds. I need to get healthier, lower my risks of family inherited diseases and just feel better. Exercise more. Maybe pick up running? Don't push it.
Goal 2- figure out graduate school. What do I want to study? I've been thinking of a science degree, but I'm not sure. And then where do I go? Locally? Online? I have 364 days to think about it.
Goal 3- Revive our school/community garden. I love gardening and think there is so much that kids can learn from gardening.
Goal 4- read more. I don't have a TV, but my computer seems to take the place of my "down time" more than I'd like. I need to break away from the computer and read the ton of books I received as gifts this Christmas.
Goal 5- live more frugally. My apartment is expensive, and my second job is about to end. I may have to move this summer, or find a more permanent part time job. Or win the megabucks.
As I have told my students, five is my favorite number. Five goals are easy to remember than a big long list that I could surely make of goals. I also feel these are pretty doable. I know that many people make unrealistic goals/resolutions for themselves and get depressed when they don't meet them. If you have a high expectation that you really do want to meet, then go after it and DON'T GIVE UP! Trust me. You'll be glad you didn't.
So to all of you out there making your lists of goals for the year, make them worthwhile and attainable. Have a safe and happy 2014!!
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